YOU MIGHT BE A DIE-HARD GOV. ED FAN IF...

You come up with an online survey on your website on whether controversial Provincial Administrator Atty. Dabu should be fired from her job but cancel the same survey just when everybody is checking the Yes answer because well, you didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

You unceasingly cite your favorite Bible story David versus Goliath when people ask how Gov. Ed plans to win the 2010 presidential election without the machinery, money, and the votes.

You question the credibility of a survey on presidential wannabes because results shows Gov. Ed’s name at the very end of the list getting a measly 0.2%.

You vehemently agree that Atty. Vivian Dabu is the ONLY person in Pampanga who can do the job of a Provincial Administrator, and nobody else!

You brag about the “achievements” of Gov. Ed but purposely do not read the local dailies in Pampanga showing the real score there because you believe that all the local journalists are paid publicists of the Lapids, Pinedas and Arroyos.

Grabbing every chance you get, you don’t forget to quote Gov Ed’s P1 million per day quarry tax collection but purposely forget to mention that it stopped being that a long, long time ago.

You feel sorry but hold grudges against the former confidence team members who has left Gov Ed’s side because of Atty. Dabu, thinking, “Oh those poor misguided, incompetent people, they just couldn’t keep up with the pressure.”

You think all the criticisms and bad news against Gov. Ed are untrue, fabricated, imagined and exaggerated because Gov Ed is oh so perfect!

Now, you really are a Gov Ed die-hard fan if…

You secretly accept a brown paper bag full of money from an unknown man while in Malacanang, if caught, hold a national press conference and ask the Office of the President to issue you an official receipt.

You tell the whole world that it seems you were bribed, but only after you spend some of it. Goodbye, evidence!

You are the governor but you are “not privy” to the provincial investment plans. AYOS!

Because you are so humble, you refuse to put your name on the government projects billboards but it’s perfectly alright to put a nice Borj Meneses’ photo shot of your smiling face on all of them.

You enter into a commitment via a dialogue with protesting BALAS employees but four days later forget all about it and ask, “Did I really say that? Show me the minutes!”

You insist on being a priest but you don’t want the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary at your office, and if asked, just say “Oh, I now keep her in my room to get closer to her,” thinking the Mama Mary’s devotees will love that!

Knowing there will be a big rally of incensed truckers against a new Capitol policy, and you know they would definitely demand for a dialogue, you immediately call all the media people available to come to your office and then shut the door and have your bodyguards ready. When the rallyists come up, knock loudly because you just won’t open your double-locked door, go tell the media: “Oh look, they want to attack me!”

You agree to the Governor's move to have former PNP Provincial Director Keith Singian fired because he did not rush to the Governor's Office to "protect Panlilio" from the imaginary "attackers".

(To be continued)

TO the readers: Thanks for the emails and the wonderful ideas and keep them coming! You might also want to email me your own versions of “You might be a die-hard fan of Gov Ed if…”.